Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
