Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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