I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
