you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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