Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
