and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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