tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize