first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
