She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
