he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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