I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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