i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
