I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
