My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
