it's too hot outside to masturbate.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
