I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
