Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
me + whiskey = a bad person
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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