do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
