They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
