I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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