My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
