i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
