It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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