I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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