Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
