I'm lost and stupid without you.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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