Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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