somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
