I cockslap morals
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
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I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
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I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.