Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.