Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think I sprained my soul last night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead