got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
