thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So much rum. So many feels.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
