Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
