what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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