It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
