Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
