I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
