Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
