OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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