No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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