Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
