Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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