"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I would ride that face into the sunset
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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