I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
