apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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