she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
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OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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