I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk