my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast