It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
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I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
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He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.