Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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