Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize