i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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