time to smoke my breakfast
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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