PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
