I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
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I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
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I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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