somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
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I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
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Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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