like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
