Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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