I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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