so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
