I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
