I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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