So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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