The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
