All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
