you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
MIDGETS
????
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
