just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Mom said you looked used
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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